Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Women Found to be More Dangerous to Themselves and Others, Tuesday November 10, 2009

Friday night in Boston a woman was almost crushed by a Massachusetts Bay Transportation Authority train. Said woman, obviously not aware of her dangerous proximity to the safety line, staggering in the clutches of a high blood alcohol level, put her life as well as the physical and mental well-being of others in danger;

All for the love of a cigarette. After lighting her smoke, it appears that she might be looking for the train when she stumbles and falls flat on her face as the train lights can be seen coming. Scary, right? She attempts to stumble herself to a higher altitude, but does not succeed and barely misses electrocution  on the third rail.

Fellow to-be passengers witness the fall and after realizing a lack in the safety department, vigorously, almost animalistically, start waving their hands to get the attention of the driver. One man even stood well passed the safety line, partially inside the tunnel, in desperate hopes to help. Inches before causing tragedy, the train driver pulls to the halt and the intelligent drunk women was pulled to safety.

This woman caused near termination to herself, as well as possible injury to the crazy man in the tunnel,

as well as possibly disrupting the mental well being of all other MBTA passengers that night.

In a different story, another woman is said to be a danger to herself as well as society. Her name is Elizabeth Lambert. Team member of University of New Mexico woman's soccer has been charged with unsportsmanlike conduct in their game against BMU.

As you can see in this video Lambert is a fan of kicking, punching, and pulling all in the name of soccer. We have received information that all of the girls that Lambert inflicted pain upon have had mental health issues and are currently unable to distinguish the difference between a soccer ball and a  dalmatian stuffed animal. Not only is the health of the BMU team in jeopardy, little girls around the nation watching the news and Youtube have instantly acted similarly after viewing this shocking footage. And not to mention the mental state of America, the nation of sports in HD.

These are only two of the countless women who are consistently putting themselves and others in danger. Reports show that three out of four women cross the street when the red hand is lit up meaning 75 percent of women are, like we said, dangerous to themselves and others. This may be intentioned danger or inadvertent danger but the statistics show that you should not play contact sports or have dance-offs with women any longer.

How should you avoid being mentally and/or physically hurt by a woman? Move to Boystown, where they are less populated, do not go to the bars in general, and wear a sign on your back that clearly states your intentions of a five foot radius.

Moral of the day: First learn to walk, then learn to dance, then learn to drink, and of course don't turn your back to an angry soccer blonde.


  1. Wow, I wouldn't have thought about women this way. And, had I, I certainly wouldn't broadcast it. :) Then, again, some might could say there are a few less-than-PC comments in my latest book.