Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Sarah Palin: Going Rogue, Tuesday Novmber 17, 2009

This is the Sarah Palin we all know and love.

This is the Sarah Palin that is being forced upon us.

Sarah Palin's new book Going Rogue was set to hit stores today. Here's what one reviewer thought:

There are many kinds of truth. There are truths based on facts, truths based on faith, and truths based on something that sounds as if it should be true (truthiness). Then there's the kind of truth we find in Sarah's book: stories and concepts that become truths simply because she states them. She's a lot like our Lord and Savior, Glen Beck, in that respect.

Sometimes, she states truths that would be considered ludicrous if uttered by someone else. Her claim that the McCain campaign forced her to spend $150,000 in RNC funds to dress her family in designer clothes is one example of that. Although it might be easier to believe that she acted like a trailer park Zsa Zsa who'd found a credit card left behind at a possum feed, she blames McCain staffers. That's good enough for us, because we have faith; we want to believe her truths.

But the book isn't perfect. As much as I enjoyed the few short paragraphs in which Mrs Palin laid out her policy objectives, she could have condensed it all into one sentence: "I'm going to grab an Oxo Good Grips Stainless Serving Spatula and go all mavericky on your non-white, non-Christian and non-heterosexual butts."

The book also fails to expose Mrs. Palin's intellectual brilliance and keen grasp of foreign policy issues. Why wasn't the text of her recent speech in Hong Kong included? Although it remains secret, it's rumored that she viciously rebuked the Vietcong king for his assault on the Empire State Building. That's a speech we've been waiting for nearly 75 years to hear. It's big news and should have been included.

As you read other reviews of this book, please remember that Mrs. Palin has many enemies who are eager to pan her work. The Palin family's most potent nemesis, Levi's johnston, is no dpubt fully erect and ready to spew globs of misfortune upon them for a third time. And reason-adoring intellectuals are certain to point out that an interview on Good Morning Topeka doesn't qualify as a policy summit in the Far East.

But a few bad reviews won't stop her. She's seen much worse from her kitchen window. It can't be pleasant to gaze upon Antichristograd every morning as you brew your coffee.

My review isn't complete, but I think I'll quit anyway, because writing reviews, like governing, is just too darned hard to finish.
David Letterman is another who made it obvious he was not about to enjoy the book. He did a skit on the top ten things to do besides read Palin's book which included crashing a car into a tree. He also put together a list of the top ten surprises in Going Rogue.

On top of her new book release, Palin also had a nice long talk with Barbara Walters where one of the many things discussed was this skit. Palin's response was his jokes weren't that funny anyway.
Also in said interview she answered questions about her blow out talks with Katie Couric; like the time she couldn't name any supreme court cases besides Rowe v Wade.

Besides the political shitter Palin has puked into, she also got a chance to discuss her family. Her youngest daughter said she thought mommy's moose hot dogs with cheese in the middle were her favorite dinner.  In relating news, her eldest daughter, Bristol, has a bouncing baby boy which Palin describes as coming as quite a shock. In a serious moment, she describes feeling like she slightly failed her daughter by not talking about safe sex.

Oops! Getting into hot waters you sneaky dog Barbara you. Trying to give Palin the slip on the abortion topic? No worries, Palin steered clear of this media mess up by saying that she would "council her [daughter] in choosing life."

In ending news, Palin says she has no intention of running for president in 2012 (even though we all know the world is ending anyway) but she can't see what is in store for her that long down the road. Her goal is to help America, where ever they choose to have her.

Moral of the day: If you decide to run for vice president, know the names of at least five newspapers, the New York Times for example, as well as whether or not the high school in your surrounding area has sex ed. Don't say anything on TV that might make you look stupid, Tina Fey might do a damn good impersonation of it.

side note: this video is actually some guy trying to say fox news is biased towards the republican party and disfavors the liberals... I don't want to get into that but this was the only video I could actually embed to show the skit.


  1. another fun fact about her book, it was ghostwritten by Lynn Vincent, an associate of well-known white supremacists!

  2. Going rogue. Gag me with a moose bone spoon. Sorry, that's that.

  3. "The Palin family's most potent nemesis, Levi's johnston, is no dpubt fully erect and ready to spew globs of misfortune upon them for a third time." -Classic!

    But, why the spatula?

    I liked her better in "Nailin' Palin"