Balloon Boy Hoax, October 19, 2009

This is the balloon that caused millions of hearts all over the country to cringe as they watched the news unfold. Six year old Mr. Falcoln Heene (balloon boy) was thought to be in a basket attached to this balloon flying by himself.

His father, Richard Heene, made this make-shift balloon out of tarps, cardboard, string, and duct tape. He was later found out to be an aspiring actor and insistent on getting his own "mad-scientist" reality show.

By the way, I saw this family on the show Wife Swap and this guy is insane. He's a crazy, over-angry, immature jerk.

This is him
^^^on Wife Swap getting in an over dramatic fight with his new wife acting like a child. Anyway, as the whole country held its breath, Falcoln was later found in a basket in the garage of the Heene family home. This caused much controversy due to the fact that the Heene Family called the news channel before they talked to police. Errr? It wasn't until the Larry King show that the family really got into hot water. As they were discussing the "terrible event" little Falcoln said, "We did this for the show" followed by Daddy's "phhh man..." and Mommy's timid, "noo...".



Way to go Falcoln! Poor little guy was to be so stressed out by the media attention, reports ABC's Good Morning America, that he was throwing up, shame on you parents!

Now investigators, after searching their house, finding documents on the computer laying out the stunt, and questioning the parents for five hours, are looking to file felony charges for endangering their children and for conspiracy.

This obviously ranks with the Apollo moon landing conspiracy, global warming conspiracy, and the false-flag 911 conspiracy. Now America is asking for a public apology from dear Richard for causing the deaths of two women, apparently both 118 years old, due to heart attacks (it appears only oe of them had a heart attack due to the balloon boy and the other followed suit because she didn't want to watch tv alone so only one apology necessary in that remark), and for wasting their God given time.

Moral of the day: Don't marry crazy people. Stay away from actors. Realize that your publicity stunt will be stunted by Micheal Jackson and Anna Nicole Smith.

State Ban on Handheld Cell Phones in California, Wednesday October 14, 2009

"GET TO THE CHOPPER! NOW!" That's the Arnold Schwarzenegger I remember. But these days he's the almighty governor of California. But back to the news, last year Mr. Schwarzenegger signed a law that prohibits handheld cell phone use while driving a vehicle.
Some states, including Connecticut, New Jersey, New York, and Washington as well as California have committed themselves to making the roads a safer place by ridding them of over-talkative soccer-moms on cell phones (we swear it's a fact, not stereotype). If you would like to read all about driving laws, please direct yourself here.
It's not Arnold who is in the hot water (maybe just the lukewarm "cause and effect" water) it's his wife, Maria Shriver who apparently violated the state ban.

Celebrity Web site TMZ.com posted two photos and a video Tuesday each showing Shriver holding a cell phone to her ear while behind the wheel on three separate occasions. Retribution for the violation may come from no less than the state's top elected official, her husband.

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On his Twitter feed Tuesday afternoon, Schwarzenegger wrote to TMZ.com founder Harvey Levin: "Thanks for bringing her violations to my attention. There's going to be swift action."And please, if you do not click on any other links, look at this twitter, it's hilarious.

Hours later, TMZ added a video it says was shot Tuesday in Brentwood, Calif., where the family lives. It briefly shows Shriver behind the wheel of a large black SUV and holding a cell phone to her ear. She spots the camera and oops! She tries to hide the phone below the wheel.
Reports ABC News, Schwarzenegger spokesman Aaron McLear says that by "swift action," the governor means he'll ask his wife not to hold the phone while driving, but there could be monetary consequences as well. Since he signed the bill, the California Highway Patrol has issued more than 150,000 citations, according to The Associated Press. That figure does not include citations issued by local police. State fines for driving while using a handheld device are $20 for the first ticket and $50 for subsequent tickets, plus additional fees.

The first lady's office declined to comment on the incident when reached by The Associated Press. Of course.

Here at Beatnik Babble Broadcast, we have ideally found a solution for Mrs. Shriver



Cellrderm will provide anyone needing special attention an antidote to their cell phone overuse disease! This product is not FDA approved.

Moral of the day: Leave your cell phone at home for a day. It will cleanse your inner being, except it won't kill you (unlike other recent stories).

Spiritual Retreat Death, Monday October 12, 2009

"It was supposed to be part of a spiritual retreat" says one of Good Morning America's hosts, "more than sixty people huddled around steaming fire heated rocks, in a peak covered tent hoping to cleanse the body but about two hours into the retreat people started collapsing."

"Nineteen people went to the hospital and two wound up dead," a 40 year old man from Milwaukee and a 38 year old woman from New York that is. Self-help author James Ray, writer of the book The Secret, lead the group. Like everyone else, they paid 10,000 dollars to spend this last part of the week with this religious guru, including their time in the sweat lodge where the target temperature was 120 degrees.

Sweat lodges are a part of Native American tradition practiced for centuries before we even knew about "golden paved" America. Mario Black Wolf, interviewed for this morning's show said if one uses bad materials such as plastics, it obviously causes toxic fumes unfit for puny human lungs.

They reported a medical expert said that if a body's core temperature reaches 104 degrees or over the body will start to break down cells which can lead to organ failure which can happen in as fast as twenty minutes. This man Ray has been conducting such "ceremonies" at the Angel Valley Retreat Center for seven years without any similar incidents, so he says.


Mr. Ray also decided it was not his place to talk to police investigators at the scene...

What sparked the polices' [puny] brains was the Twitter message Ray posted hours before the ceremony, "Still in Spiritual Warrior...for anything new to live, something first must die. What needs to die in you so that new life can emerge?" Oh you know, your whole being I guess.

Doesn't he just look like one of those fake religious assholes? ----------->

After the incident, Ray immediately deleted his holy twitter post with, "My deep heartfelt condolences to family & friends of those who lost their lives". I'd like to just side step for one second and make a comment that this guy has two options from my point of view: he can either write his first post on twitter, have his cleansing ceremony, and rejoice that people died for God or he can be a sane person and admit that his ceremony was dangerous, cruel, and his idea of a money seeking prank. Changing your mind so suddenly when it comes to religion, or politics that is, equals hypocrisy in my book.

So anyway, homicide investigators say it could be a few weeks before they know/decide if criminal charges will be filed which I'm hoping they will, this guy obviously needs a kick of reality right up his ass.

This is the kind of man that makes up his big, puffed up persona and uses it to take money from spiritual seeking people. 10,000 dollars?! Are you kidding me? Well I hope the families at least got refunded, but it doesn't seem the case. On behalf of the woman who died, her cousin and spokesperson, Tom McFeely, said that Ray nor anyone else in the organization has contacted them since the death. I guess there's the epitome of "take the money and run."

McFeely says, "It does surprise us, based on the type of man we thought he was". You think? This guy Ray isn't out there making millions of dollars thinking about the welfare of these people. He's making sure everything physically and economically is working out in his favor.

By the way I would like to point out that thousands of people die because of religious wars, religious ignorance, religious devotion, etc. etc. etc. It is really never ending. But it's not the wars and the crazy priests that set themselves on fire that make me angry, it's people like this man who are charismatic speakers, bringing in people like flies to a bug lamp, probably somewhat lying to their faces, that end up killing innocent people because of their own personal gain. It happens all the time and if people weren't so ignorant to religious conspiracy then they wouldn't fall into the trap that takes their lives.

Moral of the day: Don't spend 10,000 dollars to cleanse your body, you shouldn't have to pay to actually, truly do that for yourself, period.

Cop Shoots Homeowner Instead of Intruder, Wednesday October 7, 2009

If Americans say they would be scared if their house was being broken into, I would say I'd be more scared of being rescued than being robbed after reading this story.

This is a tragic story of stupidity, vulgarity, and more stupidity. Tony Arambula of Phoenix, Arizona cornered an armed intruder in his son's bedroom. He then called 911. Desperate and screaming in the phone for help, the 911 agent tries to calm him down while help is on the way.

Or so he thinks...

Instead, says Good Morning America, a Phoenix police officer confused Arambula for the intruder and shot him six times before realizing his mistake, a moment captured on the 911 call with a simple "Fuck."
Even after realizing their mistake, ABC reported, "Arambula said he was treated roughly, being dragged out of the house and transported briefly on the hood of a police car."
Wait... on the hood of a police car? I'm sorry but I'm definitely getting a visual of the poor guy in handcuffs placed in the middle of a suburban road and then run into by an angry cop.

Now Arambula, 35, who survived, (wait fer real? how many places can you shoot before its somewhere deadly?) but faces a lifetime of pain, is suing the city of Phoenix and the officers who responded to his house that night, Thank God.
The lawsuit, filed in Maricopa County Court, alleges that Phoenix Police Officer Brian Lilly and his on-scene supervisor, Sgt. Sean Coutts, quickly conspired to cover up the mistake, not realizing that 911 was still recording Arambula's call for help.

Of course they did! Didn't your mother ever tell you that cops are corrupt jerks? My mamma did. If you are interested in reading more about corruption in America's law enforcement, please direct yourself here. Here's a visual example --->

CLICK HERE to listen to Tony Arambula's 911 call to Phoenix police.
Lilly has been cleared of any wrong doing by the Phoenix Use of Force Board, but the Arambulas are suing the officer, Coutts, the city of Phoenix, the Phoenix police department and a number of unidentified emergency workers for at least $5.75 million.
"It's clearly unfortunate," said Officer Mark Spencer, president of the Phoenix Law Enforcement Association which represents 2,600 officers. "Our officers feel terrible this occurred."

Oh you feel terrible this happened? Really? Shouldn't you say something along the lines of I'm sorry but my agents are all racist idiots? That sounds better to me. I mean, your officer shot the man making the 911 call, that obviously means you employ thick headed pricks. This guy Spencer then goes to say this...

"Clearly where the blame lies is with the bad guy," Spencer said, adding that the intruder put "everyone at risk."

Let me repeat that for you, "clearly where the blame lies is with the bad guy" aka the intruder. I mean for freaks sake, can I say really enough? You mean the intruder that didn't hurt anyone but who was simply locked in a bedroom? No not the man with the loaded gun, the intruder. Oh, well now instead of thinking you employ stupid people, now I know you obviously do so because you yourself are a dimwitted imbecile. Way to go.

ABC then went on to say this...

As for Arambula's actions that night, Spencer said, "I don't think he did anything wrong." He added, "We agreed with the board's decision that the officer's response and action was reasonable within police policy." The city of Phoenix did not immediately respond to a request for comment. According to the lawsuit, Arambula, his wife Lesley and their two sons were at home when they heard two gunshots outside shortly before an intruder crashed through their front window and pointed a 9mm gun at Arambula and 2-year-old Zachary. The gunman, according to the lawsuit, then took off down the hall into 12-year-old Matthew's bedroom. Arambula, who had sent his wife and toddler outside the house, retrieved his own handgun and cornered the intruder who was shouting that "someone was after him and going to get him." After calling for Matthew, who had been hiding in his closet, and sending the boy outside, Arambula called 911 while continuing to point the gun at the intruder. Lesley Arambula also placed a call to 911 within seconds.

Well anyway, our moral of the day: Buy crash-resistant windows, lock your doors, and describe yourself to the person receiving your 911 call, if you have time that is, so she can relay that to the police officer coming to aid you.

The Olympics in Chicago, Friday October 2, 2009

Do you back the 2016 Olympic bid? Well, Chicagoans, you don't need to worry about that any more.

There he is, our angel coming down from heaven on a flying white unicorn. This picture was taken after President Obama gave his heartwarming speech today for the IOC (International Olympic Commitee) as well as his wife, Michelle.

Chicago 2016’s bid leader, Patrick Ryan talked a few weeks ago about the possibility of losing this race. He said it all — THREE YEARS and TENS OF MILLIONS OF DOLLARS in fund-raising/tax payer money/debt to cover expenses — would have been worth it.

Worth it eh? I was reading the Redeye today, and they reported that 47% of people were for the games and 45% of people were against them. Those kind of opposition numbers could certainly be cause for a riot/another war we can't afford to throw ourselves into...

VS

The people who made this lovely interpretation

Maybe the IOC didn't like the lack of support in Chicago... what with videos like this one floating around youtube like it aint no thang.

What Beatnik Babble Broadcast heard was that some members on the IOC didn't like the Obama's overly-business-like nature which could be quite probable. We have heard also that the IOC is crazy.

So with people sobbing over in the business district like this poor woman is about to do, what the hell is Chicago going to do with itself?

We are shamed. We are losers. And what does Mayor Daley have to say? He says he doesn't have anything up his sleeves for our awful, painful, ugly economy.
Lost in the IOC vote today were billions of dollars in construction contracts, potentially tens of thousands of jobs and a chance to remake large parts of the lakefront metropolis.



It was also a personal embarrassment for Mayor Richard Daley, who had pushed back against some strong local opposition and strong-armed the City Council into guaranteeing the financial portion of the city's bid. Also in the RedEye, Mr. Kurt Summers, who WAS the chief staff member for the olympics, said "If the people of Chicago weren't behind this, we wouldn't have gotten a resounding message of the City Council".

Oh yeah? Is that how you saw it Senor Kurt? I think that man is either stupid, or has been lying to himself for too long that he doesn't know his ass from his mouth. I'm not sure what went into having such a "resounding message" at city council, but it certainly wasn't the other HALF of the city that never wanted the games here in the first place.
So like I asked, what happens now? Representatives of the 2016 Committee said on many occasions at public meetings that this was the plan for jobs and prosperity for our future. There appears to be no plan B."

Way to go! Glad you gave thousands of people and companies HOPE for a brighter, greener future, but since it didn't work out, you've gone and fucked this city into a hole deeper than it was in the first place.

Moral of the day: Ask to be paid in cash, all of you. Save it in a safe at home. And screw taxes and Mayor Daley.

Disaster in American Samoa, Wednesday September 30, 2009

Yesterday an earthquake shook to the west of us when a fault rupture of between 124.3 and 186.5 miles, with one side of a fault moved almost 23 feet above the other, Gary Gibson, a seismologist at environmental monitoring company Environmental Systems and Services, said.
Good Morning America reported the 8.3-magnitude quake struck on Tuesday about 125 miles from Samoa at 6.48pm BST, sending a large wave into Apia, the capital of Samoa.
Residents of both Samoa and American Samoa, to the east, reported being shaken awake by the earthquake, which lasted two to three minutes and originated about 20 miles below the ocean floor. It was followed by at least three large aftershocks of at least 5.6 magnitude which later caused "surges" or recurring giant waves.
In Samoa, the wave reportedly sent water and debris surging up to 330 feet inland, leaving terrified residents fleeing their homes.
I could sadly not find the video I saw on the news this morning with raw footage of the second surge but I did find this History Channel video which will give you a little insight on tsunamis and also has a short clip of the one yesterday...

The death toll has now reached 99 people and there are still many missing. In Washington, President Obama has declared a major disaster for American Samoa. Obama said in a statement early Wednesday that he and his [tanned] wife "will keep those who have lost so much in our thoughts and prayers".
Hampered by power and communications outages, officials in the South Pacific islands struggled to determine damage and casualties. Pago Pago, another city in the area was also hit by huge waves. Joey Cummings of radio station 93KHJ in Pago Pago said that he and his fellow workers watched from a balcony as a 15-foot tsunami wave struck. He said he yelled for people to run uphill, "but they just ran down the street away from the wave rather than make a sharp left and up the steep mountain just feet away." Smart people derr, but I guess in the face of destruction and death many people would act idiotic.


A "river of mud" carried trees, cars, buses and boats past his building, which is practically at sea level, Cummings told the BBC. Some people searched for trapped survivors, he said,





but others looted stores (assholes).





Why do people have to take advantage of a natural disaster... this isn't Jumanji! Yes, thank you Robin Williams.
Anyway, what Beatnik Babble Broadcast wanted to explore the ways you could survive a tsunami. Well let's see, the obvious one would be what if you were in a boat? A boat might work, but you would have to be quite far off the shoreline since it is the most disaster-prone area, duh. But then again you wouldn't want to be above that fault line when it dropped, or probably anywhere near it.

The real question we've been meaning to ask is, what if a tsunami was on its way over, could you survive with arm floaties!?



YES! ... We mean, it is probable, but maybe not. We have new intel saying yes, you would float on top of the water with arm floaties. But be careful for trees, floating cars, buildings, rubble, and such. It might knock you unconscious and that, our friends, would be the source of your untimely death, not the use of arm floaties.


Moral of the day: Stay clear of areas around what the world is calling "the ring of fire" this is the most activity and destruction occurs... go to Florida or the Golf or something (but watch out for those hurricanes too!). Bring arm floaties with you everywhere you go, even wear them at all times just in case. Yes you may look stupid in your suit, whether the floaties be over or under your jacket, but it may save your life!

Berlusconi and Pres. Obama 'sun tan' Monday, September 28, 2009

Recently, Italian Prime Minister Berlusconi, well known for his media mess-ups, has once again made an inappropriate remark concerning our president, Barack Obama and his wife, Michelle Obama. A while back, Berlusconi tried to compliment President Obama by describing him as "young, handsome, and even has a good tan".

Berlusconi has caused plenty of commotion with inappropriate remarks frequently in the past.

ABC News reports, "among his greatest hits: In 2002, he raised eyebrows after saying, “Rasmussen [then Danish Prime Minister]-------------------------> is the most handsome prime minister in Europe. I’m thinking of introducing him to my wife,” and in 2003, he sparked uproar in the European Parliament when he compared the German socialist, Martin Schulz, to a Nazi.

What already seems like a long time ago, throughout this summer, he was entangled in a series of public sex scandals.

But back to Mrs. Michelle Obama, at the recent G-20 summit in Pittsburgh last Thursday, she

showed slight caution to Minister Berlusconi after giving everyone else a kiss on the cheek and then sticking out a stiff hand to the joker of politics. This was most likely due to the comment on her husband's "tan" earlier in the year.

This obviously didn't sit well with Berlusconi and when he returned home yesterday he was recorded saying to his conservative supporters that he was bringing greetings from, "what's his name? Some tanned guy. Ah, Barack Obama!"

He went on to include Mrs. Obama in his remarks. "You wouldn't believe it, but they go sunbathing on the beach together -- his wife is also sun-tanned." Maybe Berlusconi saw

this guy on a beach he visits ---------------->

ABC then went on to say that, "according to the Telegraph, Berlusconi did not mean to offend the Obamas and said, “His rapport with America's first black president was ‘easy-going' and described Mr. Obama as a ‘fine man’ with a 'good sense of irony.'"

Despite his supposedly innocent intentions, Berlusconi’s latest gaffe has generated mixed reviews from Italian residents. One Roman told the Associated Press that he believes Berlusconi “is deeply racist but he doesn't want to say it.”

Here at Beatnik Babble Broadcast, we commend Mr. Berlusconi! Politics these days are much too strict and narrow minded making everyone around them stressed out and tense. People like Bersconi bring semi-goodhearted relief to the world of politics. I certainly laughed out loud when I read that he commented on Obama's 'tan'. HILARIOUS! As for his sex scandals, well every old man or woman needs a little tickle once in a while (kidding, kidding! (kind of)).

President Obama should watch his sunbathing tendencies. It is estimated that 6 billion of the 6,706,993,152 people on the earth sunbathe and we believe he should set a good example for them. We have done research and found that it is harmful to your skin, it gives you wrinkles, thus making you look older and affecting your sex life (Berlusconi would not be happy!)

Although Mr. President has not shown any reluctance towards Prime Minister Bursconi, Mrs. Michelle certainly has a sore spot for him which has probably turned into a huge pus sore spot by now.

Today's moral: Don't comment on the Obama's tan, they don't want people to realize that Bersconi is actually right. Don't suntan, unless you plan on being celibate all your life.